


I'm Nothing Without You - Klance Langst (Extended Version)

by SeraStars



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crying Lance (Voltron), Homesick Lance (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Langst, M/M, Suicidal Lance (Voltron), klance, klangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25591876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeraStars/pseuds/SeraStars
Summary: Of course, no one paid attention to him. He was always joking around, flirting, dancing, and had a smile planted on his face. He was called a lot of things. Sharpshooter. Tailor. The Dumb One. Seventh Wheel. Red Paladin. None of those nicknames could ever fit how he felt... because he was just Lance, and that was who he was.And he was also alone. So, so alone.
Relationships: Hunk & Lance (Voltron), Keith & Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron), Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt
Comments: 8
Kudos: 233





	I'm Nothing Without You - Klance Langst (Extended Version)

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by anon on tumblr :) Enjoy!

"Lance, you messed up. Again," Allura scolded. "You need to focus, Lance. Keep your _eyes_ on where you're going, understand?"

"I...I know," Lance muttered, wiping the sweat off his face as he grabbed his bayard. "I'm just having a rough day, that's all-"

"A _rough_ day? We have to face Zarkon, we have to be ready. For anything," Keith glared.

Shiro, the paladin who Lance looked up to didn't say anything, but the look in his eyes was nothing more than pure rage and disappointment. It was a glare that made Lance want to shrink back into his mother's arms and hide in them, and just stay in them because he knew that _then_ he'd be alright.

"I know it might be hard, but this is our responsibility. It's life or death," Hunk smiled to Lance and placed a hand on his shoulder. Lance didn't react, but he nodded like he understood. What part of it was easy?

"No one said it was going to be easy, but you can do this. After all, you're our sharpshooter!" Hunks said as if reading his mind.

That got Lance to smile for a quick second, but disappeared just as quickly when he heard Keith mutter, "Some sharpshooter you are."

"Listen. Training is important. If you get past level 5, maybe you can come to join us," Keith motioned, pointing at Pidge and Hunk.

Lance stopped to look around, slowly realizing that they were all way past level training session 5, while he was stuck on four. _Maybe not, maybe..._ he dared to think. 

With a sense of dread, he looked up at the level scores. But once he peeled his eyes open, reality came crashing back down.

**Pidge Holt - Green Paladin:**

**Level 8**

**Keith Kogane - Red Paladin:**

**Level 9**

**Shiro - Black Paladin:**

**Level 10**

**Hunk - Yellow Paladin:**

**Level 7**

**Lance McClain - Blue Paladin:**

**Level 4**

The giant, bolded words seemed to glare at him, sneering and calling him names.

**Lance McClain - Blue Paladin:**

**Level 4**

He wiped his eyes. This couldn't be real. He had tried so, so hard to be as good as they were.

**_Lance McClain - Blue Paladin:_ **

**_Level 4_ **

Despite the fact he felt like crumbling to pieces, Lance gave Keith a smile because it was easier to pretend that he was someone else.

"Gotcha, mullet," he joked. Lance bit his lip to stop himself from whimpering looked up, craning his neck slowly to stop the tears that threatened to fall from his face because all he wanted was to be in his mother's arms, in his _family's_ arms, and stay in them forever because he was just so broken and terrified.

Keith turned around. "Stop. Keep your mouth _shut_ for once and stop. Whenever you talk, like, _oh a pretty girl!_ You always jeopardize the mission! You never focus, and you-" Keith sighed to himself. "I shouldn't be wasting my time on this."

None of the paladin's said anything. Even _Allura_ gave Keith the slightest nod.

And the red paladin left.

Lance heard his footsteps echo down the hallway, as loud as hail falling into the deep dark pits of a gutter.

And Lance just stood there and the other paladin's said no word, nodded at him and shut the door as they left.

"Mission! A robeast is attacking this area! We need Voltron, now!" Allura demanded, the speakers almost cracking up in signal due to her projection of voice.

Lance sighed as he begrudgingly got up, following along the path and getting into his blue lion.

"Hey Blue," he said. "How've you been?"

No response.

He _always_ got a response. 

"Blue?" He asked.

Silence.

_Maybe she's having a bad day..._

Lance started the engine, sighing as he headed out.

The ride on his Blue Lion was rough. She wouldn't listen to his commands, no matter how politely he asked her. "Hey, beautiful!" Lance sang. "Come on, sugar, you got this. Can you just listen-" another uncontrollable turn to the side and Lance crashed against the windows of the lion. 

"Lance!" Pidge screamed. "Stop _flirting_ with random alien girls, and get a hold of Blue!"

"S-sorry!" Lance trembled. Was that really what they thought? That he was just... he was simply a flirting, happy guy? "She's not- Blue's not listening!"

" _Lance,"_ Shiro warned. "I don't know why the blue lion isn't listening, but get a grip. We have to go,"

Lance sighed, looking from his sleek control keys to the horizon.

"We have a robeast coming ahead," Keith pointed out. 

Looking up for once, he closed his eyes and tried to gain control of his lion. He just had to focus. 

_Think calm..._

Gentle ocean waves crashing, water bubbling at your feet, the refreshing water lapping playfully against your face. As he said encouraging words, the moment he opened his eyes he seemed to come back to reality and realize what was going on.

And faster than light, the robeasts long and coiled arms launched up at Keith and Shiro's lion, ready to strike as the lion's backs were turned. The impact was seemed so strong that Lance was certain something would happen to them.

As bad as they had been to him, they were family. He was accepted.

_I am accepted..._

_I am accepted..._

It was a continuous mantra in his head, thinking that if he thinks it, it could be true.

He went in front of the arm that was ready to pound against the lion's, shielding Shiro and Keith.

But as he did, the mantra disappeared.

_I am-_

**But are you, really?** A forbidden part of his voice rang in his head.

And at the last minute, he turned his lion around and it hit the side of Blue, as Lance tumbled down.

Like dominos, he knocked over Keith and Keith knocked over Shiro, all three of them bruised and grazed.

After the mission, it was quiet the rest of the way.

_Why can't they just yell at me already?_

The silence scared him. It was as if the world was holding its breath, just ready to release.

"I cannot believe it. I... I just can't even-" Pidge sighed.

"Lance. What was that?" Keith demanded. 

Shiro was silent. This meant he was going to either explode or leave. None of the options sounded good to him.

"Answer me," Keith said. "Why did you just- freeze up?"

 _I_ _didn't_ _freeze up! You and Shiro we're about to be crushed, so I had to stop in front of you so you wouldn't get hurt!_

"S-sorry," he said, unable to make eye contact. His response was a curse from Keith. "I'm really, really, sorry, I know it's my fault and I-" 

"Sorry...?! **"** Shiro exploded. Shiro never yelled. He scolded, but yelling was... He only yelled at enemies.

_Enemies._

Lance swallowed, but Shiro chuckled bitterly and screamed, "What do you mean by, 'sorry?'" Shiro threw his hands up. "Why did you just freeze up? We could have been killed! _Died! Because of_ _you_ ** _._** I- I cannot believe-" Shiro put his face in his hands. "Go to your room. Or go train. Anywhere where I don't have to see you. Please."

_Useless._

_Could have died._

_Seventh wheel._

_Goofball._

_Good-for-nothing._

_Your fault._

_Get out._

"I'm sorry, Shiro. I had to go in front of you, or else-"

Shiro laughed bitterly and said, "Then why did you even _become_ the blue paladin? Lance, you need to focus. You need to train. You need to work because the rest of us are working three times as hard. No, even ten times."

" _Shiro,_ please, let me explain-" Lance was now begging, almost on his knees. It hurt him, seeing his leader, his _idol_ so disappointed in him.

"Lance. My last warning."

"Shiro, I had to or else you could have died-'

"Just _shut up!_ " Shiro screamed, slapping him across the face so hard that the sound echoed throughout the room.

Lance almost cried. He felt hot tears welling up inside him, his cheeks burning from the pain, and at that moment all he wanted that moment was his mom's arms around him to protect and comfort him.

Shiro's mad expression died down to horror. He had slapped him- with his Galran hand. "Lance, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine, Shiro. It was my fault anyway," Lance said, ducking his head so that no one could see tears falling down his face. "I'm going to go train. Far away, just as you like, sir."

And he didn't even say it as a joke.

"Lance-"

But he was already gone.

_______________________________________________________________________

"Lance, you are a stupid, worthless piece of shi-" He groaned, slamming his book down on the tile floor. He looked up at the mirror in front of him to find a blue and purple scar building up, swelling on the left side of his face. His jawline was bleeding as if there were no tomorrow and he had to patch it up.

"Lance, dinners at 6," Keith said, knocking the door behind him. Keith's voice was somehow gentle, like glass, but Lance laughed to himself at how ridiculous this was. Just 10 minutes ago, Keith had been screaming into his face and not caring the slightest bit, but now, after he got hurt, he realized that people only cared if you died. Because Lance was probably closer to death than he should have been, _that's_ what happens. People start caring.

"I'm not hungry," he lied, refusing to make eye contact with Keith.

"You have to eat-"

"I'm fine, really. Have fun." He said while punching the bag next to him.

The moment Keith leaves, he heads over to his room, to stop.

And there, he cries.

He cries so much that his sleeves are soaked, his neck is sweaty and his face is covered in snot. And he can't stop crying, the tears won't stop. They tumble out of his eyes in a continuous flow, and fall down onto the tiled floor in front of him.

He hears a knock on the door.

"One second," he sighs and goes to wash his face to hide the tears. He finds Shiro standing, towering over him and Lance is _so_ sure that Shiro was going to hurt him. Bruise him. Yell at him. What if he had heard him crying?

Lance didn't even stop to ask Shiro what he needed, but he said anyway: "I'm sorry, it's my fault. You know what, I'll go train because sir-"

"Are... are you sure you're okay? I-"

Lance laughs, lying as he says, "I'm fine. Better than ever, really. I just skipped dinner because I think I had a little bug. That's all." 

"Oh..." Shiro scratched the back of his neck. "Listen, I'm sorry-"

"No, _no,_ it's fine. I understand now." 

He was lying so much that he could almost taste it.

"Alright," Shiro left the room.

And not a second too soon, Hunk comes to knock on the door, saying, "Hey. We're going to the Space Mall. Wanna come?" 

Lance smiled, for a second, but a heavy pain in his chest throbbed through his head. "Nah," he said. "I'm good,"

Hunk nods and leaves with Pidge who was cackling like a gremlin and the other paladins to the space mall.

He noted that no one ever stopped to say, "Where's Lance?"

Lance finds himself on a cliff.

His hands painted with blood.

And a scalpel in his hands.

He actually did it.

His wrists ached, dripping with red liquid, hurting _so_ much but feeling so good.

Tears tumbled down his face without permission, like a soap bar slipping out of your hands. 

"Being a fake person is hard," he says aloud, to no one in general. "Having to make up stuff so people actually pay attention to you."

"But..." he chokes.

_I'm not going to cry._

"...but being a fake person in life is easier-"

and he cries again.

Because his face is now covered in blood.

"...Mami," he cried. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

And to Shiro, who was once his role model. "I'm sorry I failed you, I'm sorry I..."

Then Keith.

He had liked Keith since the Garrison. His violet eyes were not something to be taken for granted. "I'm so sorry. Even though you're mullet kind of sucks," he joked to himself.

Lance got up, wiping most of the blood on his pants and looking over the horizon of the cliff.

The water looked gentle.

The bubbles seemed to be singing.

And he could have sworn a fish smiled at him.

"Maybe..." He took a step closer to the edge of a cliff.

Lance couldn't think straight.

Having being sleep-deprived with no food and a great loss of blood, he steps closer.

"I can join my friends..." he mutters in a fantasy.

He came to a realization that people will only care if you're popular, handsome, ripped with muscles, talented, flawless, and-

"Dead." Lance said out loud. "They only care... when you're dead."

So he steps even closer on the cliff and doesn't dare look down. From the way Lance saw it, he was doing the team a favor.

How _sad_ would it be if you came to the meadows to find a Cuban boy covered in blood, crying, with a scalpel in his hands trying to jump off a cliff?

_No one could imagine._

Except: 

Keith Kogane.

Keith was walking around the green fields, quietly humming to himself a lullaby from his mother, when he found a boy with short brown hair and blue eyes in a plunge, stepping towards the ledge of a cliff.

"Excuse me, what are you-" he began quietly. If the boy fell, it wasn't his problem. It wasn't going to be Keith's fault if that boy died anyway.

Then he saw his face.

His beautiful, tanned skin. 

Lance.

...Lance

"LANCE!" Keith screamed, rushing over and reaching out his hand, running so quickly that he could have sworn he was going to rip his legs off.

Questions flooded his head.

What was he doing here?

His friend, his _brother,_ his...

_his everything._

"Lance...!" He screamed. But he kept walking closer and closer. " Lance, please!"

Step.

Step.

Step.

And Lance fell.

Lance never expected the water to be so...

Cold.

  
Everything hurt. The water pierced into his lungs, he was desperate to escape. But it was 

ruthless, pounding frigid blocks of ice into his chest, knocking him over. 

The water wasn't gentle- it was a storm, begging for mercy. The bubbles only choked him more, as he came back to the realities of life once more. 

_Why am I here?_

Lance panicked. It wasn't something that he should have done, but he did it. He was so, so scared.

The water filled his lungs, his chest aching with pain, and hot tears streaming down his face.

Then he gave in.

**\--------**

In the time when Lance lay resting on a table that was piled over in pillows, Keith stared.

He stared because he didn't know that Lance was going through so much pain on his own-- because everyone, all the paladins assumed he was fine. And even when Keith felt broken... he had Shiro. Shiro had appeared in his life and taught him about fighting battles in his head as a team. But no one had assumed that it would be Lance of all people.

Then Keith realized he was crying. 

He realized when a sob in his chest finally erupted and he fell down onto the floor, his hand holding Lance's that were painted in cuts and bruises. It was _his_ fault. It was because of him that Lance felt broken and useless. Lance hadn't even bothered to write a letter, but he lay there and all Keith wanted was for Lance to wake up and smile because god, he missed Lance so much.

It was all his fault. If he hadn't yelled at him, maybe Lance would...

"It's not your fault," Hunk choked out. "I- I should have looked out for him. I should have known that he was hurting because I was always there for him- I was there for him as a kid, and now he's- it's my fault."

"How could you say something like that?" Even though Pidge was small, she had such a strong opinion that she said through tears, "It might be our fault. Yeah. I-I scolded him a few times. We hurt him, both physically-" she stared at Shiro who was looking at the floor. "And... and mentally. But Lance- Lance is a fighter. And I _know_ he'll get through this. _We_ will get through this."

"Thank you," Keith managed, but he didn't move from his position, but looked at Lance.

Lance had always been the "goofball," as some people said. But Lance was also- he was so strong. Keith had heard from Coran that he often got homesick. Keith knew that, but Lance continued to smile. How many times had Lance cried alone? On his own, with no one to be there for him?

Probably too many times to count.

"I'm here for you," Keith promised and continued to hold Lance's had the whole way.

\----------

"...Lance?" 

_W-What?_

"Lance,"

Lance opened his eyes, finding himself on a white linen bed with Shiro and Keith looking at him. Keith was soaked in water from carrying him out, Shiro holding bandages and his hands speckled with blood.

"Hey," Shiro smiled. His eyes were lined with red. "Are you okay?"

_Agh... my head._

"N-no," he said. And it was the truth.

"What... what happened?" A voice asked from behind: Pidge.

"I think Lance should explain," Keith said gently.

"Do... do I have to?"

A nod from Hunk was his response.

"I..." he started. "I hated myself," he said. "I hated everything- about everyone. I-" Lance began but started crying again as _soon_ as he woke up. "I've never felt this useless in my life. I feel so isolated, so alone, and I just want to go _back home._ I want to eat home-cooked dinners, I want to hang out with my siblings, I want to go to the beach and go back to worrying about tests and exams, not if whether or not the entire world is going to end! I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"No, I'm sorry," Shiro said, his voice shaking. "I-I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I made you feel this worthless- and I can't make any excuses but Lance, I am _so_ sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. And Lance, in case you were wondering, we _would_ care if you died. We would care so much. Lance, I can't tell you in words how horrible I made you feel. I should have found a different approach. And I'm sorry that I- that I'm not the leader you expected."

But to Shiro's surprise, Lance said, "You are."

The black paladin looked up. "What?"

"You are," Lance went for a broken smile. "You- you've been there for me. You might not have spoken to me directly that much, but the silent things- like smiles and hugs, and giving me some extra food and... no, yeah, you've... you've been a great leader."

So this was who Lance was.

Lance was _not_ the dumb one.

Nor the comic relief.

But he was... a hero. A hero who fought so many battles alone and kept on going. 

Shiro was at a loss for words, but suddenly Lance broke into a sob. 

Lance sobbed- see, Keith had heard a lot of people crying before. He had heard people crying back in his foster home, he had heard the cries of prisoners, but- Lance's crying was nowhere close to that. His ocean blue eyes were glassed over, and his sob cut through Keith's heart like a knife, because god, Keith had no idea that he was hurting this much. Keith wanted to see Lance smile again. Keith wanted to see his beautiful eyes and see him running and dancing and screaming and joking, because no matter how annoying it could get, he missed it so much.

He missed _him_ so much.

"God, I messed up again," Lance started, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry, I'm-"

He was stopped with a kiss.

Lance looked up, now staring at beautiful, violet pupils.

"What...?"

But Lance kissed him back because he wanted this for so long.

"I'm sorry, too," Keith cried. 

"We're all... we're all sorry," Hunk comforted, embracing him.

and for once?

For once, he was happy.

And the waves were calm once more.


End file.
